Who Am I or Who Have I Become

In the name of God, the most Compassionate, the most Merciful.

In the past five year by the leave of Allah I have become a better Muslim than I was in the previous 5 years after taking my Shahada (Deceleration of Faith). Like many things in life it sometimes takes a wakeup call in the form of loss or tragedy for us to realize that we are really not living our lives the way our Creator expects us to.

It all began on February 16th, 2000. The day I bowed before the Lord of the Universe and admitted that He was the One and Only Allah, and that He had no partners and no sons no daughters, and that he had sent messengers to guide all of mankind and Muhammad(Peace be Upon him) was the last in a line of many.

However even thought I said and believed the words I wasn't really ready to practice it. I feared loss of family, friends, financial support, everything. So I hid myself away from my Muslim brothers and sisters and continued to try to live both lives. But Allah sees everything.

I was living the "good life", I had deluded myself into believing and justifying my sins! Not only that but when I came to Islam I swore that I would not practice it half way and that was exactly what I was doing. But Allah knows everything.

Finally after losing the material things I once cherished and realizing that I could not guide others to Islam and still live in sin I gave up. I moved out of the country for 6 months and tried to resubmit myself to Allah and to the goals I had once set for myself. But there were still more stumbling blocks ahead. And Allah is the best of planners.

My first major hurdle was trying to wear hijab and interviewing for jobs. I had family members telling me that my hijab would be the death blow to any interview and it seemed so at times but I pushed on. Sometimes I would wear it, sometimes I wouldn't. I returned to the US and continued this pattern. Eventually I was hired on to a "great job" that allowed me to wear hijab. But would I be allowed to make my salat (5 daily prayers)? And Allah hears everything

Well I soon discovered that there were yet more stumbling blocks. My "great job" interfered with my salat or at least I let it. Not only that, my "great job" also was working with the haram (forbidden) as it involved working with Riba (look it up). By this time Alhamdulillah (Praise Be to Allah), He gave me a companion who never ceased to encourage me and call me everyday while I was at work to make sure I had made my salats and who constantly educated me on my deen.

December 2006 I left my job, I now work side by side with my husband in his business and he helps me as I am working on starting my own retail business as well. Allah provided a means for our risq to come from the halal and not the haram and as best as we can we try to maintain it. Alhamdulillah, He has provided a way for me to be a good wife for my husband by practicing Islam every day, to work hard at studying Islam and implementing it in my life and I am thankful to Allah that I am a SAHM(stay-at-home-muslimah/mommy) for the time being. So I say Praise be to Allah for everything he as put me through and I am thankful for the blessings and the trials he has given me.